What's Keeping Me Here

Last week, one of my favorite volunteers 

and he was the best Sesotho speaker too

in my group ET’d (early terminated) and got on a plane to head back to Cali. He was the 4^th volunteer in 7 months to leave early; not an insignificant amount. Everyone has their own reasons for going home, and I know he wouldn’t have left if he wasn’t absolutely sure that it was the right decision.

It’s a weird feeling when one of us goes home early, like a part of our strange, familial amoeba breaking off and making its own path, away from the rest of us. I don’t begrudge them at all, but I do miss them.

All of these people leaving within a relatively short amount of time got me thinking about my own time thus far in Lesotho, and asking myself what it is that’s really keeping me here. I did an internal scan of all the forces at work that are making me stay. You may be thinking, “Well of course you’re still there! It’s only been 7 months.” Or you may be thinking, “She’s still in Lesotho?!!.” For those of you in the second category, here is what I came up with.

1)   My commitment: I waited two long, emotionally strenuous years to get to Lesotho, a country I had previously never even heard of. I left a wonderful, loving relationship, a beautiful, warm, supportive network of family and friends, and my favorite city in the world. These things are infinitely more significant to me than leaving the creature comforts of the U.S. (oh washing machines, how I yearn for you sometimes), but I left those too. All of this is to say that by the time my amazing mamas and I were rushing around buying last minute things, randomly bursting out in tears and packing up the mountain of crap that would make up my life for the next two years, I was absolutely, 100% sure that this was the right decision for me. Relationally, leaving was the hardest thing I’ve ever done, and I knew even before landing here that it would take either a horrible emergency or debilitating depression to come home before my 27 months were up. And now that my work, my external as opposed to internal commitments, have started, it’s very difficult to imagine leaving these kiddos so soon. In many ways, I feel like my work here has only recently begun, and to leave now would be like starting to run a marathon after months and months of training, only to stop at the second mile and go home.

2)   Growth: When I made the choice to apply for the Peace Corps, I did it for purely selfish reasons. I wanted to live in another country for an extended period of time, to learn a new language, and to open myself up to the kind of growth that happens in such a situation, and the Peace Corps was the only long term opportunity I found that would pay for everything. I did not do it because I wanted to help people, or because I think I have something divine to offer the “developing” world. I certainly didn’t do it to “save the world”, as many a person remarked after learning about my plans. I did it for my own growth, which I honestly think is the most realistic goal to get out of the Peace Corps. That being said, the kind of personal development that I hoped to experience is happening, and I wouldn’t want to cut short the growth. I’m learning how to take care of myself, both physically and emotionally, in a very profound way. I’m becoming infinitely more patient and creative than I ever thought possible. I’m learning how to become truly focused on the present, which is a feat for my naturally forward thinking, forward scheming mind. And I’m learning/ getting better at skills-speaking Sesotho, gardening, basic home improvement, cooking, laughing at myself, teaching, being uncomfortable, listening, carrying water on my head, dare I say writing?! To leave now would be to cut all of these things and more short. And since I came here purely for myself, that would silly. Not to say that these things can’t happen if you don’t live in a hut in a foreign culture for two years, indeed they do. But I kind of wanted to be forced to grow, and I knew that living in such a way for such an amount of time would do that.

3)    Relationships: How many times have you remarked that such and such an experience wouldn’t have been the same without the people you were with? Well, the same thing applies here as much as anywhere, possibly even more.

      …at school: I’m at a point with my students 

Tankiso!

now where they aren’t shy around me, they laugh at me and they understand me (most of the time) when I speak English. Especially when I’m talking about sex (life skillsJ). It took awhile for them to get used to my accent and for me to learn to speak slowly and/or speak Sesotho, but now that the major hurdles in that department have been surpassed, they are slowly but surely improving! Of course there are still many days where the lesson just did not seem to sink in or they decided to be children (the nerve) and not listen when I spoke (classroom management is half the battle when it comes to teaching). But, they’re getting better, and the other teachers are maybe learning that little ones don’t necessarily learn the best when the only thing that happens in the classroom is lecturing and note taking. I’m also getting closer with and getting to know the other teachers more, which is really nice.

      ….at home: I’ve written about Tsepang,

 my teenage host brother, before. We’re pretty tight, and we just started to watch the Harry Potter series. What kind of monster would I be if I left now? Second only to Voldemort, that’s what kind. I’m also still close with my host family from training, and I look forward to visiting them in the upcoming months.

      ….in the village: Slowly but surely, I’m making friends, mostly with the teachers at the high school. I’ve made a decision to have someone over once a week for dinner, because eating alone is all well and good but I love cooking for people. And just in general, I’m learning (remembering) more people’s names and people are greeting me more familiarly ("ayy, ausi Mpho!"). Plus, the neighbor toddlers who always greet me with “bye byee” (the only English most kids know) on my walk to school paid me a visit a month or so ago. After 3 months here, they chose a random day to come say hi, and then of course promptly ran away screaming and giggling when I started to play      with them. Score.

      ….with the other volunteers:  They’re great, and having other Americans who are experiencing many of the same things I am to whine to, share ideas with and cuddle with is crucial. Who knows where I’d be without these weirdos. 

Happy Halloween!

Thaba Bosiu!

Probably back in America.

4)  Traveling! Africa is very expensive to get to but pretty cheap to travel around and live in. So, I’m pumped to make the most of it. First stop is (I think) tropical Mozambique in July (which is the dead of winter here L). And I’m probably going to spend a few months traveling after my service is done.

     

All of this is to say that I’m here for the long haul, and I’m continually grateful to have this opportunity.

And how’s life on your end? What experiences are you soaking up?

Much love and, as always, Khotso.

A Sunday to Write Home About

I’ll be honest. I’ve been kind of homesick lately, or at least more so than I have been thus far. But, the universe has been providing. It seems like every time I’m feeling especially down, lonely, exhausted, confused or helpless and start day-dreaming about drinking lattes in cute coffee shops and walking down streets without having people call “likhoa”, I have a day like last Sunday where moment after moment occurs that makes me smile or laugh or ponder or shake my head and think “none of this would happen in America. I’m so happy to be here.”

Number 1

I have a thinking rock that’s situated halfway between my village and the next one over. It’s shaped kind of like a chair, has a fantastic view, and can completely obscure me from passerby on the road behind me if I want it to. So I was headed there on Sunday afternoon to journal and draw (new hobby!) when I fell into step and thus conversation to a woman headed to Ha Majara, the neighboring village. As a conversation topic, I asked her about her family-kids, husband etc. When she asks me the same questions back, and I reply that I don’t want a boyfriend while I’m Lesotho, she says, “you are scared to have a Mosotho man.”

Number 2

While walking back from the rock, I passed a group of teenage girls who were coming from church. Naturally, they asked me where I was coming from, and when I replied that I was just sitting on the rocks, they replied, “weren’t you bored?!” “No, I have my books”, I replied, gesturing to my journal and sketchbook. “Are those the prayer books or what?” Hah!

Number 3

On that same walk, a party that I passed on my way to the rock was still going on. I was kind of hoping to be invited over, and sure enough a woman yelled out, “Ausi Mpho! We want you to come sit with us!” as I passed. So I went to go sit with her cluster of people for a bit, all moderately drunk bo-me (women) and one extremely drunk man sort of resting on his side, passionately slurring his words in my general direction. One of the drunker women explains (or rather yells) to me that, “we are celebrating our culture!” and I laugh good-naturedly and chat with them for a bit as I take a few sips of the ginger beer I’m offered. The man’s face is very close to me, spewing stale breath into my nose, and I’m making faces and backing up slightly while the bo-me (two of whom I learn are parents of two of my grade 5 students) admonish him: “Ausi Mpho doesn’t want to talk to you!” Ntate Morena Lehlohonolo, the chief, must have noticed, because he comes over and talks to the group. I don’t understand much of he’s saying, but one of the woman tells me, “he is protecting you.” He’s the chief, and what he says goes, so that’s basically my cue to get up and leave. I stand up, brush off my bum and good-naturedly say good-bye.

Number 4

I had been planning to take a run all day, and hadn’t fully realized yet how much earlier it’s starting to get fully dark. So it was kind of a scary run, because it was close to pitch black almost my whole way back. As I pass the roadside shop/bar that tells me I’m close to home, a little girl no older than 7 runs out from a group standing outside and asked me, “do you speak English?”

Which I guess is a welcome change from assuming I don’t speak Sesotho, and it made me laugh.

It’s getting cold here. I hope you’re enjoying the impending warmth, Philly.

Khotso and much love.

Teaching is...

So. Many. Things.

I’ve put off writing this post for a while because there are so many things that characterize my teaching experience in Lesotho. The education system is different. The culture of school is different. Too many things that make up my job to fully explain my experience. So, inspired by my dear friend Brittany’s blog Listing Lesotho (listinglesotho.wordpress.com), this will be a post in lists.

The Good

1)     The students: They try hard, most of the time, and they make me laugh. And they’re pretty adorable. Thank God, because they also make me want to scream sometimes.

2)     My co-workers: generally speaking, they seem to genuinely enjoy what they do and we have a really good relationship. They’re also really supportive and positive about my teaching and are always available when I have questions.

3)     My schedule: Mondays are MANIC because I teach three double periods of English with only one break period. BUT I don’t teach any other double periods for the rest of the week and I also don’t teach after lunch. Also, schools in general have a half-day on Fridays. So, considering that I teach English to three grades and life skills to three grades, I feel pretty lucky about it. 

4)     Class sizes: My biggest class has 35 students. Praise Jesus.

5)     Teaching life skills: At its best, it’s sort of a holistic sex-ed class that incorporates self-esteem, identity and sexual education. If you know me, you know that I love talking about sex more than just about anything, and there are hardly any adults here who will talk frankly with kids about sex, using condoms or healthy relationships. This despite the fact that Lesotho has the second highest rate of HIV in the world. I’m more into teaching it than English because it develops the whole person and its much more fun than teaching to a terrible test. The kiddos also LOVE it; almost every day towards the end of teaching English to grade 6, someone says “Life skills now??!!” I’m also starting to teach life skills to the high school as of this week (intimidating, but important), so that’s where a lot of my energy is going.

The Bad

1)     The system: a). In general, there is a HUGE emphasis on the way things look and on keeping to the syllabus as opposed to the content of what the students learn and on their degree of comprehension. This creates an environment where, for example, kids fight over rulers so that the charts in their notebooks have perfectly straight lines, but they can’t write a paragraph or say a sentence with the past and present tense verbs that are inside said chart. b) There is also a really bad relationship between the ministry of education and the teachers and school staff-MOET doesn’t listen to or respects the teachers’ complaints and the teachers don’t follow the guidelines that MOET puts out. It’s a really vicious cycle, and in keeping with the passive aggressive nature of Basotho culture in general, no one is having frank discussions about it. c) It’s an almost entirely lecture/notes based system, thanks to the British, even to the very young kids. And the teachers wonder why students can’t focus or don’t understand things. My role as far as English goes is to introduce some teaching ideas that are more student-centered, which hopefully will be used after I leave as well.

2)     Students as workers: In the U.S., the only thing that students are expected to do in school is learn. In Lesotho, that’s only part of a child’s duty. Every student is at the beck and call of any adult. So if, for example, you’re a grade six student who has just started to take your final exam for the quarter but your principal comes in and says that those students who haven’t paid their five rand for so-and-so must run home right now and get it, you have to do it. (yes, this happened, and it was infuriating). The same goes for teachers’ personal items. My counterpart, who lives on the same mission that the school is situated on, is constantly asking students to run to her house and get the bag that she forgot, the papers in her house, whatever. God for bid teachers lift a finger to get anything themselves. To say nothing of how gendered the tasks are-if a room needs dusting or dishes need washing, girls are called. If there is anything remotely heavy that needs lifting, someone will call for a group of boys. Without fail.

3)     Lack of teachers: When I started teaching at the end of January, the principal was teaching grades 3 and 4, there was one teacher for 1 and 2, and one teacher each for 5, 6 and 7. At the beginning of February, the grade six teacher left for another job and a few weeks later the grade 7 teacher went on maternity leave. So teachers shuffled around for a few weeks, sort of partway teaching those classes, which inevitably left the younger grades (1-4) on their own even more than usual. Now we have teachers for grades 6 and 7, but they’re both volunteering and I’m not sure how long they’ll be around. The good news is that the word is out that we need teachers, so we’ve been having small groups of recent graduates come to the school nearly every day and deliver their resumes. I predict two months at least and then some positions will be filled. ‘M’e Theresia (the principal) should really not be responsible for two grades as well as doing her principal stuff.

4)    My principal: I like her as a person, but she’s not a good principal. She doesn’t communicate what’s going on in the rest of the district clearly and she doesn’t prepare for situations like she should. She knew that the grade 6 teacher would be leaving for a different job and she obviously knew the grade 7 teacher would be going on maternity leave, and she didn’t prepare for either of those events at all. I was especially pissed because the grade 7 students take exams at the end of the year that decide their future, and both 6 and 7 already have a number of students that have repeated.

The Ugly

1)     The look on students faces when they are told, day after day at morning assembly, “remember to speak English at school!” The look basically translates as: “You know I can’t speak English ‘M’e, this isn’t helpful at all”. I empathize.

2)     Kids fighting, all the time: But it’s kind of just how they play, and it’s hardly ever truly violent. They’re also really big on running and telling the teacher EVERYTHING, even when it’s not actually that painful or that big of a deal e.g. “Madame Mpho, Retsilisitsoe is beating me!!” “Madame Mpho, Lerato stole my pen!” I’m now learning that it’s not worth my while to try to attend to each and every issue, because they get over so called “beatings” (hitting) real quick and somehow manage to find pens when they hear “I don’t care” enough.

3)     The library when the students are left to their own devices: I’m happy that they’re excited about the books, but it looks like a tornado came in. I don’t blame them though-they’ve never seen so many books in one place and they’ve certainly never been inside a library. The other teachers and I are slowly teaching them how to put the books back on the shelves in the right way and the like. I know more about libraries and books than anyone just by virtue of being in a lot of libraries and reading a lot of books, so I was kind of put in charge of the book organization when we got the donation at the beginning of the year. It’s fine for now, but I’m not interested in putting more energy into it than I have to. My goal for the end of the year is for it to be an entirely self-sustaining, student organized place.

The Funny (a list of recent quotes and events)

1)     6^th grade boy: “Madam Mpho, I am going to Australia next Monday!” Me: “Oh Cool! Give me a call.” Boy: “Madam I am speaking English!”

2)     To practice letter writing (yes, it’s on the syllabus), I had the grade six students work in small groups and write letters to me telling me anything they wanted about them selves. Four or five of them were signed, “your son”, at the end, until I laughed and said, “am I your mother?!”

3)     Baby-makin’. To illustrate how a baby is made one day in life skills, I had the grade six students (yes, they’re my favorites, in case you can’t tell yet) role-play the entire reproductive process. Lines of students facing each other were fallopian tubes, two clusters of students were the eggs, an oval of students was the uterus, a boy was the sperm etc. It was hilarious and SUPER effective. Thinking I might have a future in sex-education.

**There’s a lot more of the funny, this is just what I can think of right now.

Given the situation, though, it could be much worse. Some volunteers have really domineering principals or tough relationships with their co-teachers. Some volunteers have their teachers digging through their personal belongings. One person doesn’t even have classrooms to teach in and conducts all of her lessons outside (which often get interrupted by goats and cows). Some volunteers teach upwards of 60 and 70 students. So I really am lucky in a lot of ways.

Overtime I’ll get used to/learn more ways of coping with the hard stuff and I’ll get clearer about my purpose. For now though, every day is full of ups and downs, and I’m riding the waves.  

Khotso. 

Eye Candy

The only day we left the comforts of the guesthouse on vacation :)

Some things I've been up to...

Taking magical walks at dusk with my bro

Sorghum

Corn

and Tsepang

Dinosaur footprints!

Chillin on top of some dinosaur footprints you knowww

vacationing in Morija with these weirdos

clean laundry+a week straight of rain=new clothesline on my lovely covered porch
Khotso. 

Let's Eat!

One of my favorite, unexpected things, about being a Peace Corps volunteer has been becoming a genuinely good cook.

Don't know how I survived this long without a working headlamp. So happy to have one! Thanks gammy.

 Probably from reading about the generally bland Basotho diet before coming here, I kind of thought I would be eating rice and beans feela (only) for the next two years. Thankfully, that has not turned out to be true. It helps that all the volunteers are supplied with a recipe book for ideas when we don’t want to make stew over and over, for example.

So, since I can’t cook for anyone back home yet, here are some recipes I’d highly recommend you try yourself.

And remember that 1) I’m cooking for one, but I usually make enough to have leftovers for a day or two at least 2) I like my food SPICY 3) Almost none of the measurements are exact. Cooking is, as they say, an art. Not a science.


Red Lentil Sauce

I put it on spaghetti, but it would probably also be good on fish or portabella mushrooms.

You need:
1 cup red lentils
1 onion, chopped
3 small tomatoes, chopped
1 bell pepper, chopped
Water
White vinegar
Salt
Pepper
Dried oregano and basil
Cayenne pepper
Any other spices you dig
White flour
A few spoonfuls or packets of tomato paste

In a small pot, cook lentils in 1 ½ cups of water. This will not take long.
When water is absorbed into lentils, add a few splashes of vinegar, the onion, tomato and pepper. Stir.
Add the tomato paste, some salt and pepper and about 2 cups of water (or less, depends how much sauce you want). Stir and cover.
Once some of the water has been absorbed, add copious amounts of basil and oregano and a few pinches of cayenne pepper. Also, more salt. Stir and cover again.
When you’re thinking, “damn this is taking a long time” add a few small handfuls of the flour, stir and cover. Also taste here and see if you need to add more spices. Stir and cover. Cook until it tastes tomato-y and it looks more like a sauce then like lentils sitting in water. Pour over whatever.

Lentil Potato Stew (This makes a lot. I was cooking for the week.)

You Need:
5 or 6 white potatoes (or sweet potatoes or squash), chopped into smallish pieces
2 cups of green or brown lentils
3-4 tomatoes
2-3carrots
A few huge handfuls of spinach/kale/rape/whatever leafy green you have around, chopped.
3 chili peppers, minced.
2-3 cloves of garlic, minced. (Or, garlic salt )
Salt
Pepper
Spices you dig. I think I put cayenne pepper, thyme, oregano, basil, cumin, curry powder and a garlic rosemary blend.

Put the potatoes, carrots and lentils in a medium-large pot with enough water to cover them. Cook until the lentils are cooked most of the way through.
While those guys are boiling, heat a healthy amount of oil in a large saucepan or a wok. Add the garlic, chili peppers, onions, tomatoes and spices. Stir around a bit and cover.
When the lentils are good, drain most of the water and add a bit of the water and the lentils, potatoes and carrots to the pan. Add the green stuff. Stir around and add more of the spices. Cover and cook until the potatoes are the soft, the green stuff is cooked down, and the tomatoes are shriveled to only a portion of what they used to be. Taste and add more spices as needed. Serve.

Steamed Bread

You Need:
A big ass pot, with water covering the bottom, about an inch (enough so the smaller pot is submerged a bit but still touching the bottom of the bigger one).

A smaller pot or pan, greased

Your favorite bread recipe
Or, you can use the recipe I always use:
3 cups flour (I always use wheat, but bread flour is probably better)
2 tsp of salt
2 tbsp of sugar
1 package of instant dry yeast
1 cup of warm water
*sometimes I add a tablespoon or two of margarine (real butter is like a unicorn here) and sometimes I don’t. It just makes it more, ya know, buttery (better).

Combine all ingredients except the water. If you’re putting the margarine/softened butter in, mash it in with a fork now.
Add the warm water bit by bit while you stir with your other hand. Add enough water so that the dough is manageable and not overly sticky.
Knead it/punch it down for 10 minutes or so. I like to blast Michael Jackson’s “Beat It” for this part.

Place in a greased bowl and let it rise for anywhere from 20-40 minutes, until it’s about double.
Place in the small pot/loaf pan. Put small pot directly into the big pot (don’t forget to add water to the big pot!).

Bake until a knife comes out clean, about 40 minutes.
DEVOUR.

Dumplings
I was feeling adventurous one night and decided to try this recipe from the Peace Corps cookbook. Make sure you use a metal spatula so they don’t fall apart a lil at the end like mine may or may not have.

For Wrappers You Need:
2 cups flour
pinch of salt
¾ cup just boiled water

To Make Wrappers:
Pour the flour on your work table and make a well in the center.
Pour the water continuously while stirring (as best you can-delicate balance between stirring and not burning your fingers here)
Once all the water is poured and stirred, knead the dough to bring it all together.
Knead the ball for two minutes. The dough should be nice and elastic-y.
Tightly seal in a plastic bag. This book says keep it anywhere from 15 minutes to two hours. I did 45 minutes and it ended up being a nice consistency.
Form small balls about 2 in. in diameter and roll them out as thinly as possible using as little flower as possible.

The cookbook gives a recipe for a yellow split pea filling, but I don’t fuck with split peas so I made a spicy lentil, tomato, garlic thing instead. To make this,

You Need:
1 cup of green or brown lentils, cooked
2 small tomatoes, chopped.
2-3 cloves of garlic, diced.
2 onions, chopped
a small chili pepper or 2, diced
Soy sauce
Sugar
Corn Starch
Salt
Vinegar
Whatever spices ya dig, but definitely curry powder and cumin

In a large saucepan, heat oil.
Add onions, chili pepper(s) and some curry powder. Cook until onions are translucent.
Add garlic. Stir.
Add tomatoes and tomatoes. Turn heat to medium low and cover for a few minutes, until lentils are softened and combined a bit with everything else. May need to add a bit of water here.
Make a sauce with the soy sauce, salt, vinegar, sugar and corn starch (optional, only for thickening). Pour the sauce in the lentil mixture. Stir in. Taste and add whatever spices you want. Cover and cook till its all a softened, spicy unit.
When everything’s finished…
Place a scoop of lentil filling in the center of each wrapper and pinch it closed.

Place a bunch of dumplings in a pan with ½ inch of water.
Cover and boil until the water is gone (about 10 minutes but keep an eye on them)
Drizzle about a tablespoon of oil around the dumplings so the bottoms begin to fry.
Transfer them to a plate. (Where the metal spatula is crucial).
Dip in soy sauce and DEVOUR.

…But lets not make this a one-way exchange. Send me your favorite recipes too!

Khotso.

Also...

This is definitely someone's flag

post/pre-rain mist and storm clouds 

wildflowers, seen on a hike I took last weekend 

Really hard to see it, but I almost got to see the cattle-post, which is this lil house the herd boys stay in when they have to herd far away from home. But I tsamae'd (left) when a herd boy expressed his interest in having sex with me. Whoops. 

I did make it to the top of this peak. This is the view of the other side.