Last week, one of my favorite volunteers
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| and he was the best Sesotho speaker too |
in my group ET’d
(early terminated) and got on a plane to head back to Cali. He was the 4th
volunteer in 7 months to leave early; not an insignificant amount. Everyone has
their own reasons for going home, and I know he wouldn’t have left if he wasn’t
absolutely sure that it was the right decision.
It’s a weird feeling when one of us goes home early, like a
part of our strange, familial amoeba breaking off and making its own path, away
from the rest of us. I don’t begrudge them at all, but I do miss them.
All of these people leaving within a relatively short amount
of time got me thinking about my own time thus far in Lesotho, and asking
myself what it is that’s really keeping me here. I did an internal scan of all
the forces at work that are making me stay. You may be thinking, “Well of
course you’re still there! It’s only been 7 months.” Or you may be thinking, “She’s
still in Lesotho?!!.” For those of you in the second category, here is what I
came up with.
1)
My commitment: I waited two long,
emotionally strenuous years to get to Lesotho, a country I had previously never
even heard of. I left a wonderful, loving relationship, a beautiful, warm,
supportive network of family and friends, and my favorite city in the world.
These things are infinitely more significant to me than leaving the creature
comforts of the U.S. (oh washing machines, how I yearn for you sometimes), but
I left those too. All of this is to say that by the time my amazing mamas and I
were rushing around buying last minute things, randomly bursting out in tears
and packing up the mountain of crap that would make up my life for the next two
years, I was absolutely, 100% sure that this was the right decision for me. Relationally,
leaving was the hardest thing I’ve ever done, and I knew even before landing here
that it would take either a horrible emergency or debilitating depression to
come home before my 27 months were up. And now that my work, my external as
opposed to internal commitments, have started, it’s very difficult to imagine
leaving these kiddos so soon. In many ways, I feel like my work here has only
recently begun, and to leave now would be like starting to run a marathon after
months and months of training, only to stop at the second mile and go home.
2)
Growth: When I made the choice to apply
for the Peace Corps, I did it for purely selfish reasons. I wanted to live in
another country for an extended period of time, to learn a new language, and to
open myself up to the kind of growth that happens in such a situation, and the
Peace Corps was the only long term opportunity I found that would pay for
everything. I did not do it because I wanted to help people, or because I think
I have something divine to offer the “developing” world. I certainly didn’t do
it to “save the world”, as many a person remarked after learning about my plans.
I did it for my own growth, which I honestly think is the most realistic goal
to get out of the Peace Corps. That being said, the kind of personal
development that I hoped to experience is happening, and I wouldn’t want to cut
short the growth. I’m learning how to take care of myself, both physically and
emotionally, in a very profound way. I’m becoming infinitely more patient and creative
than I ever thought possible. I’m learning how to become truly focused on the
present, which is a feat for my naturally forward thinking, forward scheming
mind. And I’m learning/ getting better at skills-speaking Sesotho, gardening, basic
home improvement, cooking, laughing at myself, teaching, being uncomfortable, listening,
carrying water on my head, dare I say writing?! To leave now would be to cut
all of these things and more short. And since I came here purely for myself,
that would silly. Not to say that these things can’t happen if you don’t live
in a hut in a foreign culture for two years, indeed they do. But I kind of
wanted to be forced to grow, and I knew that living in such a way for such an
amount of time would do that.
3)
Relationships:
How many times have you remarked that such and such an experience wouldn’t have
been the same without the people you were with? Well, the same thing applies
here as much as anywhere, possibly even more.
…at
school: I’m at a point with my students
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| Tankiso! |
now where they aren’t shy around me, they laugh at me and they
understand me (most of the time) when
I speak English. Especially when I’m talking about sex (life skillsJ). It took awhile for them to get used to my accent
and for me to learn to speak slowly
and/or speak Sesotho, but now that the major hurdles in that department have been surpassed, they are slowly
but surely improving! Of course there
are still many days where the lesson just did not seem to sink in or they decided to be children (the
nerve) and not listen when I spoke (classroom
management is half the battle when it comes to teaching). But, they’re getting better, and the other
teachers are maybe learning that
little ones don’t necessarily learn
the best when the only thing that happens in the classroom is lecturing and note taking. I’m also getting
closer with and getting to know
the other teachers more, which is really nice.
….at
home: I’ve written about Tsepang,
my teenage host brother, before. We’re pretty tight, and we just started to watch the Harry Potter series. What kind of monster would I be if I left
now? Second only to Voldemort, that’s what
kind. I’m also still close with my host family from training, and I look forward to visiting them in the upcoming
months.
….in
the village: Slowly but surely, I’m making friends, mostly with the teachers at the high school. I’ve
made a decision to have someone over
once a week for dinner, because
eating alone is all well and good but I love cooking
for people. And just in general, I’m learning (remembering) more people’s names and people are greeting me
more familiarly ("ayy, ausi Mpho!"). Plus,
the neighbor toddlers who always greet me with “bye byee” (the only English most kids know) on my walk to school
paid me a visit a month or so ago. After
3 months here, they chose a random day to come say hi, and then of course promptly ran away screaming and
giggling when I started to play with
them. Score.
….with
the other volunteers: They’re great,
and having other Americans who are
experiencing many of the same things I am to whine to, share ideas with and cuddle with is crucial. Who knows where I’d be without
these weirdos.
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| Happy Halloween! |
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| Thaba Bosiu! |
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Probably back in America.
4) Traveling!
Africa is very expensive to get to but pretty cheap to travel around and live in. So, I’m pumped to make
the most of it. First stop is (I think) tropical
Mozambique in July (which is the dead of winter here L). And I’m probably going to spend a few months
traveling after my service is done.
All of this is to say that I’m
here for the long haul, and I’m continually grateful to have this opportunity.
And how’s life on your end? What
experiences are you soaking up?
Much love and, as always, Khotso.
